Obeah Politics

Posted: May 15, 2015 in Uncategorized

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In the wake of a Doctor’s strike over stalled wage negotiations, the Minister of Health saw it fit to comment on the preceding protest where Doctors in the public sector wore Black clothing to work in order to raise awareness of the situation. The Minister proclaimed that “Black is the colour of Evil” and therefore the Doctors were brining evil into the hospitals. Now anyone who has spent any extensive, or even some short visits, in the public hospitals will tell you that there is no shortage of institutionalized “evil”. I mean coming in with a cut could result in a deadly infection from lack of sanitation in certain areas, a lack of test tubes and syringes could well eat away at valuable time for treatment, and of course having the correct drill for a surgery is not as important as who gets the contract to bring in little needed supplies at random. But yes, Fuad, ‘dem doctors n’ dem bringing in evil’ for being overworked, underpaid, and frustrated by the facility itself. This however falls in line with the push to legalize marijuana as clearly the Minister has been testing samples vigorously before making his statements.

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(warning: satire approaching):

In the wake of what is now considered ‘Obeah Politics,’ The Honourable Prime Minister and her colleagues have decided to support the Health Minister and further has been so moved by his statement that she is proud to announce the following changes across the board of the Ministries of Trinidad and Tobago:

Ministry of Community Development: In lieu of proper social and infrastructure development plans, all houses will be painted white. However there will be a colour coding as to keep the gang dynamics in place. For example area controlled by the “Rasta City” gang will be an egg-shell white, and the gangs attached to the Carapo Mosque and lifesport will be in a lovely off-white.

Ministry of Education: Shoes in boys schools will no longer be allowed in black as the Minister believes that that is “Walking in Evil’s footsteps.” Black bagpacks and books will also be burnt during religious education classes.

Ministry of Energy and Energy Affairs: All oil pumped will now be transferred to private interests of the Minister and his business contacts. He has given us the assurance that this is not to deprive us of the oil revenue, but rather to protect us from the evil of oil greed.

Ministry of Finance: There will be no spending from the National Treasury on “Black Friday (Friday 13th).” The Minister reminds the public that every other Friday for the year is fair game.

Ministry of Food Production: The Minister of Food Production will be ordering a mass painting (in the same manner as crop dusting), of all soil that seems too dark. When asked about the chemicals that people would then be ingesting, the Minister says he is not worried at all about that, but remarked that he and our beloved PM will continue to eat only Imported vegetables and fruit so the public need not worry about their safety.

Ministry of Foreign Affairs: There will now be a travel advisory to any country that has the colour black on their flag. Including our own, so the Ministry advises our citizens to be cautious of evil when travelling between our islands.

Ministry of Gender, Youth and Child Development: The Government will be sending a pre-action protocol letter to youtube to remove the video of Gypsy’s hit “Little Black Boy.” UNC MP Winston “Gypsy” Peters has been contacted and says he has agreed not to file legal action as the AG’s office will be paying him the fees they would have given to their lawyers for fighting the case.

Ministry of Housing and Urban Development: All Black houses will  be repainted by CEPEP while painting the stones and trees. This is expected to reduce HDC planning gang activity and reduce the cost of pricing across the board according to Minister Moneylal.

Ministry of Justice: Prisons will now be painted in a bright and uplifting colour, with added clouds and flowers with “smiley-faces,” which is expected to reduce the returned incarceration rate to zero.

Ministry of Labour and Small and Micro-Enterprises: The Minister in in meetings with the PM over his stance as it appears he has misunderstood the issue. Hearing only part of the story, and that Doctors were arguing over what to buy and what counted, Minister Mcleod showed up promptly on the scene with NJACK leader Makandel Daaga. He told the media he understood that persons were willing to buy out as many black things as they could so here they were.

Ministry of Legal Affairs: Black ink on a legal papers will now be replaced with white ink. When concerns arose that white ink on white paper shows nothing, the Minister, PM, and former AG all said it was just a continuation of their de facto legal policy. The Minister further commented that this will give them the latitude to now legally make things up as they go along.

Ministry of Local Government: Regional Corps workers will not be allowed to wear black to work. This they expect to solve all regional corps. and URP inefficiencies overnight.

Ministry of National Diversity and Social Integration: The Minister affirmed himself on the statement he made on the occasion of the forming of this Ministry in 2012 stating: “While I do not know what this ministry is for, I will do my job.” The Prime Minister nodded in approval once again.

Ministry of National Security: All tactical operations in which Special Branch Police conduct raids will no longer be conducted in black uniforms and with black masks. The Ministry will now be supplying them with pristine white field uniforms, which are expected to be kept clean while conducting operations, and in lieu of the former evil black ski-style masks, they will be provided each with a service issued paper crown from Burger King.

Ministry of Planning and Sustainable Development: The Minister believes that if we can keep as little black clothes as possible in the workplace that goodness will overpower the system and more jobs will be created. This is their general sustainable development plan which they hope will pan out in the long run.

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Ministry of Public Administration: The Minister has released the statement that to avoid any further evil in public administration she would be providing employees with white jersey’s. Admitting she did not believe the “evil” in wearing black statement, she was taking advantage of the situation in pretending that employees wearing white were party supporters. She added “It’s almost like the COP still has supporters.”

Ministry of Public Utilities: T&TEC admits ignorance , claiming that they were clueless as to how dangerous all of the Black Outs really are. When asked to comment on fixing the frequent outages the line Minister remarked “Well we are in an evil country so…”

Ministry of Science and Technology: The Ministry is currently going through a massive restocking of equipment as the Minister has ordered all Black PCs, and science research equipment to be thrown out. The Ministry will be shut down operationally while contracts for new computers are approved however the Minister urges the public to remain calm as “nothing much was going on there anyway.”

Ministry of Sport: No local sports team will be allowed to wear black. This is expected to not only reduce steroid use but also to allow for much of the $400M stolen in Lifesport to return to the treasury as the “evil” will no longer block the good souls who have our tax dollars from bringing it back.

Ministry of Tertiary Education and Skills Training: All Blacksmith training will be halted and blackboards will be wiped from the face of the country, which the Minister assures will return a sense of professionalism and integrity to all professions in TnT.

Ministry of Tobago: The Minister of Tobago was surprised by the situation overall, stating “it have a hospital in Tobago?”
Ministry of Trade and Communications: The Minister has issued a tariff of 1000% on all imports of black items. He assures us this modest increase will provide just enough money to accept the evil entering through the imports.

Ministry of Transport: The Minister of transport has claimed that the dozens of road fatalities per quarter is directly linked to the blackness of the pitch and will be partnering with the Ministry of Works and infrastructure to address this. Cadiz also proclaimed this is because he really doesnt like to think on his own.

Minister of Works and Infrastructure: “Dr.” Ramberchan agrees to partner with Cadiz, saying that he is not sure how this will go about this, but be assured that SIS has the contract secured already.

Ministry of the Arts and Multiculturalism: Black costumes will now be banned for carnival band sections as he is now convinced the violence and vice brought about by the festivities is solely due to this. Minister Douglas also sees this as a win-win-win as this will remove evil from carnival, allow him more time to find the $40M misplaced in the budget, and the colour of COP is white…

Ministry of the Attorney General: The new AG will be following the Legal affairs policy of white ink on white paper. When asked about the same problems it may present to legal affairs applied to office of the AG, he replied “well it’s not like I run things here anyway.”

Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources: WASA will now cease to provide blackened water, and revert to their old policy of no Water.

Ministry of the People and Social Development: Along with the community development and HDC painting plans, the Minister here will also be on board, handing “white-out” liquid paper for community participants to paint their fingernails with as a form of empowerment.

Office of the Prime Minister: Our Beloved PM who made the statement years ago after visiting her specific point of family origin in India soon after becoming PM, that she was destined for greatness due to the caste she comes from, has stated now that she wants the same for all. She will be giving out free naturally fair cream on every walkabout, motorcade and rally from now on, so all can be as pure as her.

All of the jokes and ole’ talk aside, we are in a state where the politics has not only seeped into everything we say and do, but degraded to utter idiocy in lieu of explanation. Without proper dialogue, care, or resolve, we might as well administer medication to a dead man as we are left with nothing more than “Obeah Politics.”

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