Security Scrutiny

Posted: February 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

logo_pending_legislation2In my time being head of department for Training and Development for a major security service provider in TnT, I oversaw directly the training of over 600 Security Officers passing through the mill. I would always tell them at the beginning of the program and at their passing out ceremony “We (training department) don’t produce watchmen or gyuards (local derogatory pronunciation), we produce Security Officers.”  This statement is a sentiment to which I hold a standard and wish that this was so across the board, but there is a sad reality in the security industry which the public is not aware of. In the interest of the public, I’m going to go over the frightening reality of general security ‘officer’ selection and ‘training.’ Then perhaps it won’t seem so shocking that last year a security stabbed a carnival patron to death, and this year a Councillor was beaten to the ground by a group of security mobbing him like wild animals.

(<-Link to video of Security force abuse)

There are approximately 400 security service providers in Trinidad and Tobago. Yes 400. Only 60-70 have a licence from the Ministry of National Security to operate as a legitimate Security Service Provider. The process is tedious and is only necessary for tumblr_m192ijvwoX1qcaycmo1_500those who intend to operate as estate police (having legitimate bodyguard services, armed officers, cash-in-transit, etc), the rest just operate as a regular Limited Liability Company (Ltd.). While there are companies both large and small who take training seriously, investing in their own internal training departments and centres, the majority take it lightly at best. Imagine in many companies you can walk in at 7am, and be uniformed and working on site by time the 8am shift comes along. Protecting property and life just by providing a copy of your ID and a willingness to go to work immediately. A dream for those with no options, and a nightmare for those whose property and lives are in the balance.

As I’ve stated in a previous article (Use of Force as it relates to firearms), there is a way all law enforcement officers, including security, need to size up and address each situation. For each subject action, there is an appropriate officer response, and none include to beat an unarmed man to the ground then continue beating him with kicks to the head and batons raining for chipping in the wrong section. This policy is not even taught standard in most security companies, and even many police officers ignore this despite being taught better. For those who apply it, it can be simple or complex given each situation and I applaud those officers (both security and cjones11292014police) who use their sense and discretion to apply it adequately, for the rest however there needs to be revised and reinforced training. This however needs to go past the area of good will and be mandated by legislation. Ex-National Security Minister Capt. Gary Griffith put forward such legislation at a point, but was ignored by the former AG and the current one has not noticed its importance (or perhaps the draft bill itself) so far. Funny that a potential Bill that was constructed, drenched with sensible and sober safety of the nation, yet ignored by different governments and party supporters because it was yet to hit home.

Now that a popular PNM Councillor has been on the unfortunate end of a collective failure to regulate security, I hope that this will go further than just his personal compensation via law suit and public outcry. This I hope will be used as a pivot point and rallying cry for regulation to be set as to properly and fully functioning laws in place to limit these type of mishaps as soon as possible. This holds the potential to usher in a new age of security for Trinidad and Tobago. Security in first world countries are lucrative careers that some people aim for, rather than just a back up because no other work is available. Why not here? Because we do not value the need for good security personnel until me meet up with the bad ones.

Of Bombs and Blighs

Posted: February 7, 2016 in Uncategorized

I remember 7 months ago being in a military bunkhouse in where seemed like the middle of nowhere. I went on my own accord to do specialized training, that was foreign to operations in TnT, there was a thin air of anxiety. I hadn’t even unpacked yet when I got a message that there was chaos back home. 3 men had escaped the prison, offenders and security officers shot, rumors of ammunition being moved by an ex-special forces solider during the confusion, and of course a lone grenade sitting outside of an occupied police vehicle. Port-of-Spain sounded like a maelstrom of panic and disorder, and the rest of the country moving in a frantic shuffle. 2 of the escapees ended up dead, and 1 turned himself in the following day. The imagery of the ‘dud’ grenade sitting in the drain is embedded in my memory, and given the recent 51 Degrees/Town restaurant robbery and the Mucurapo Road explosion, the phrase “have we learnt nothing?”

These incidents are far from the first critical incidents to occur in TnT’s short history, however they are the ones that are most pertinent given the backdrop or modern law enforcement/military studies. Warfare and tactics 2 generations ago centred around open battle, 1 generation ago around counter-revolution, and this era is that of urban combat. That is not to say that the each is divorced from each other, however the conditioned thought process sits at the core of the commander in charge. Many 1st world countries targeted by terrorists, and with more radical elements of the public than we are accustomed too had to learn the hard way the first time. This however gives us the chance to learn and prepare, but like the old saying “who doh listen, go feel,” we wait time and time again for things to go more and more wrong. The 51 Degrees/Town restaurant robbery and standoff was a perfect example of just waiting for something disastrous to happen.

hostage-takerFirst of all let me credit the police who dealt with the standoff and thank them on behalf of the public for bringing things to a peaceful end. That being said, watching how they were directed in the 4 hour showdown, and how the situation was approached, it could have been a mess of bodies and chaos if the perpetrator was a little more equipped or aggressively criminally minded. When the thief (who initial sources confirmed was armed), decided to hold up in the building he was robbing, streets were immediately blocked off and tactical units called in to respond. This however was the length and breath of procedure until they got frustrated into throwing a tear gas grenade to smoke the perp out, which they then made a grab inside for. When there is a situation with an armed suspect barricaded in a building, much more should have been done as the situation is now considered a ‘Critical Incident.’ In the US a SWAT team would usually be called in, along with a negotiator. Arguably the Task Force here is akin to a SWAT team, barring a few elementsswat-sniper-920-24. Very important to this would be to place a sharpshooter or police sniper on an adjacent roof to be the eyes of ground command from that angle. Necessary to have a negotiator and sharpshooter or sniper? Not from the end result i.e. how it played out, but what if there was a hostage taken (especially one that could not be confirmed from where the police were on the ground)?
What if there were additional perpetrators hiding inside (supposedly armed). What if he started laying booby traps, or was armed with an explosive device (especially with the popularity of improvised explosive devices)? Finding out that a criminal or situation is more deadly than you prepared for is seen as an unforgivable blunder in law enforcement.

Riot-police-in-Croydon-007Crossing over now to the realm of Counter-Terrorism, treating with explosions and the immediate effects (before there is proper containment), law enforcement is the first respondent both on and beyond the supposed suspected terrorism scene. The explosion on Mucurapo Road is a situation where there was chaos (obviously), and it was discovered that the explosion was caused by the same person 3 years consecutively at different locations a day apart. While the show Criminal Minds comes to thought, this could be anything from a bizarre coincidence to planned chaos. Criminal cells use instances like these to occupy and confuse law enforcement while they conduct a sensitive operation, usually being the transport of equipment that is top priority to them. The rumours of an ex special forces soldier transporting ammunition and arms during the chaos of the PoS prison break seemed plausible at the least. The nation was in panic centred around PoS, and if that lone grenade had gone off there would be sufficient collateral damage and civilian panic to keep the protective services occupied well into the night. Those tactics aren’t random, and aren’t usually attempted by untrained persons. This is not to say that the police did not handle the recent explosion well, however there must be greater National Security coordination to ensure that everywhere else is on high alert for suspicious activity while a critical incident is unfolding.

While we have come a long way in equipment, training, and personnel, there still seems to be much to be desired. Equipment evaluation, improved training methods, and ways to integrate a wider range of personnel into service are all needed. Unless there is a revamp of the system and a change in the efficiency we approach things, the public will remain to take the protective services less seriously, and the servicemen themselves will be put in further unnecessary danger. Until then, we are just waiting for a total disaster to happen….for now, we run on our Blighs…BePrepared

(Note: I base the above on my analysis of the situations with information provided, and on the background of being a certified US Anti-Terrorism Officer, Certified in Tactical Law Enforcement operations/weapons, certificates in Critical Incident Management and Hostage Negotiation, as well as being a professionally trained sharpshooter and urban sniper).

Paul-Daniel Nahous BS, CHS-I, ATO
Law Enforcement Consultant
Combat Specialist

Immediately after a deadly Police shooting the general question comes from the civilian population “Why didn’t they shoot him in the leg or arm?!” The tone is then set portraying law enforcement as either malicious or incompetent. While not all shootings are void of either (sometimes containing elements of both),  all cases are usually thrown into the public forum as such, which is largely unfair. I’d like to shed some light on the situation and procedure involved in these perceived instances of reckless force, which take the form of two concepts; Procedure and Proficiency.

AD2An Officer trained properly in every situation should see things through the visor of the Use of Force continuum. ‘A use of force continuum is a standard that provides law enforcement officers and civilians with guidelines as to how much force may be used against a resisting subject in a given situation.’ This standard is used worldwide and most models resemble each other identically in theory, with some being more elaborate and others less so. Each and every situation where there is suspected criminal activity or resistance even by body language, there is a proper amount of force to be used to equate to it or to be used less than it. For the purpose of this explanation in police shootings we’ll be focusing on ‘Deadly Force.’ When someone draws a deadly weapon, Lethal force is not only necessary, but many times mandated. When a knife is drawn, once the assailant is in adequate distance to lunge at an officer or civilian, he can inflict a mortal wound. Worse yet with a firearm, the international procedure being in general that once the assailant points the barrel towards anyone the officer should open fire. There is a thin line between use of force levels, and even thinner between life and death. Once deadly force is apparent, officers are trained to respond with a shot to the body. This of course leads to the other considerations of disarming, “why not take away the knife, why not shoot to disable rather than kill?”

First of all anyone who thinks taking away a knife from an assailant is an easy or plausible task either hasn’t been trained well, or hasn’t been in a serious knife fight. Personally, I have 3 black belts and an instructor’s certificate in close quarters military combat, and if I have a gun, I’d prefer to open fire any day. The public often thinks of officers as tools rather than people with families and lives that matter, and at the same time many attorney’s focus on ‘rights of the criminal’ before lives of the innocent bystanders. Meeting deadly force with less than deadly force is often fool-hearted at best. In terms of the proficiency in training, it may shock many people to know that all law enforcement officers are not at a professional mma fighter level, or Wild Bill Hickok level shooters. Nor do they need to be.

c_e_o_criminal_entitlement_organization_t_shirt-rc48732bf161a4cd8a9095d681f352f4c_804gy_324Security is a major function of law enforcement, and most of that deals with being vigilant and being able to respond at a basic level (much report writing and being a deterrent to criminal activity by presence), being trained to respond to the most serious threats as a last resort. That being said, most persons who call on regular officers to make ‘crack-shots’ to the arm or leg, as if it is simple have probably never handled a firearm, nor been in a potential firefight. Even tactically trained men are taught to shoot to the ‘centre-mass’ of the target because simply put it is the most likely to hit. This is important far beyond just the assailant being shot, think of what happens if the shot misses? The officer would be putting innocent bystanders at risk. There is a reason the NYPD use hollow-point bullets now, not just because it causes more damage, but is far less likely to penetrate through the back of a single target. Note that there are very well trained tactical units and officers trained as sharpshooters who can place their shots at different points on the target, but this is far a few between. Those as well who can literally shot a gun out of an assailant’s hand are usually trained snipers, who would prefer still to go for a meatier target. Next time you think police shooting, ditch what action movies have programmed into us from a young age, and think rationally, i.e. consider the above.

confused-too-many-choices-arrow-street-signs-several-colorful-words-illustrating-paralysis-immobility-you-can-31864922In some societies however they use less than lethal weapons (taser guns for example) to deal with anything short of a firearm threat. It is important to note though that those societies do not equip regular law enforcement officers with firearms, and this is so because the general level of threat in public is very low (countries like the UK where gun control is strict and the illegal firearm trade is low). It has been proposed that officers train and carry a multitude of ‘gadgets’ and trained in them to give them options. While this is an initiative that I support, it must be examined carefully with realistic human limitation in mind. Striker-fire polymer safe-action based handguns (for the sake of simplicity, gun with no manual safety), have become remarkably popular throughout the world of law enforcement (and in some cases military). Consider in any high stress emergency situation i.e. combat, your ability to use fine motor skills goes from ten to two in a split second, your ability to think and judge are diminished in some way no matter how much training you go through (although training assists with retaining some). Enter these fairly new handguns, which have gained popularity because they are simple to operate. Once loaded and cocked, just draw and fire, no additional frills (this however makes the weapon less safe to operate if handled carelessly). I say the above to make a point, too many options are not necessarily a good thing. Even with training it is easy to become confused in high-stress situations. You may reach for one tool, and your mind is on the possibility of another, which slows down your already strained thought pattern. One’s fate is usually calculated in the millisecond.

There is much to consider in going forward with the use of lethal and less-than-lethal force, however I hope that the above article has been helpful to the public in understanding the response of police officers in the face of a lethal threat.

Paul-Daniel Nahous BS, CHS-I, ATO
Law Enforcement Consultant
Combat Specialist

Criminology is in essence the study of Crime. It is best studied like detective work, where you take instances of crime and “work backwards,” from the crime to the person. In Trinidad and Tobago however we take everything at front face value and it leads us to conclusions that are often misleading. We have established that the majority of crime comes from poverty stricken areas, but does that mean that poverty is a cause of crime? Note that domestic violence, assault, rape and criminal damage etc, does occur among the affluent in TnT as well, but is less reported and often covered.


We see poverty and we see crime, however ‘correlation does not necessarily mean causation.’ Studies conducted by various agencies time and time again show this. For the sake of “face value,” which can be distracting, it can also hold hints when looked it correctly. When you see the usual gang members out and about, look at their attire. While tacky at best, the expensive ‘gear’ they wear hints at the nature of most crime, that being ‘Greed over Need.’ Look for another example of the phenomenon in Trinidad of ‘Rape by Vaps,’ where it is a trend now for criminals to just rape a woman after a robbery, especially a home invasion. Many times this is not pre-planned (although in some cases it may be), but what causes this malice? Look further at cases of elderly persons who can barely walk being beaten mercilessly after a robbery. These actions are rooted in a much deeper social issue, which in itself is the cause of crime.


The major Criminal element in Trinidad and Tobago is one breed through generations of destructive social engineering, which in turn consolidated the gang culture of select impoverished areas. The mentality of ruthlessness and vile actions spread like an epidemic in the absence of order and decency. With the absence of a father figure, in a similar way a youth from the ghetto would find a sense of belonging in a criminal gang robbing people, one from privilege may find himself causing reckless endangerment or even criminal damage in his/her parent’s prado. In those select impoverished areas it has reached the stage of almost being natural selection where the tough dominate, and only those who can adapt to be like them eventually survive (or even strive). Those who do not conform to this are usually always in the crossfire (sometimes literally), or are forced to move out from the area they reside in. This leads us to the pertinent questions “How do we fix this, what do we do?”

While poverty still does not equate to crime, it is important to provide the hope of a better living while addressing the social issues at hand. That being said however we have been at a stage for a long time where it is necessary to execute harsh crime control methods in lieu of general order around the country. I.e. the push against the criminal element for the time cannot be looking at these gang members as lost little boys, but rather the hardened end product of a failed culture and society. In short, trying to ‘save’ those who are already lost is far secondary to eradication of those who violently resist and pose a threat to the safety and security of our Nations’s People. Social initiatives are paramount in preventing the next generation of gangsters from filling in the ranks that would be disposed of, and that does start alongside aggressive crime policy.

It is with this that I hold hope that general public will be better educated on matters of Crime, that the current Government will do what is needed, and Governments following will work forward to break the cycle and ensure a safer and more progressive Republic of Trinidad and Tobago.
Paul-Daniel Nahous BS, CHS-I, ATO
Law Enforcement Consultant
Combat Specialist

trinidad_and_tobago_grunge_flag_by_syndikata_np-d610nfxAn Open Letter to National Security,

I write this in part to respond to the most recent press release from the Ministry of National Security, which was intended by the Ministry to quell rumours of civil disorder and state oppression on the heels of the arrest of Jammat al Muslimeen leader Imam Yassin Abu Bakr. Please understand that I write this to be taken in a somber tone, and that I am in no form or fashion associated or in contact with the Jammat al Muslimeen itself. No aggression is meant by this, and there is nothing in my record to indicate a wily attempt to undermine our National Security services.

It seems that rumours have taken flight, reaching both far and wide with little resistance, enough so to warrant an immediate response from National Security Corporate Communications Unit. It is far from astounding that this has gone so far within hours, but one needs to examine why it so easily caused a massive panic. Imam Abu Bakr has been arrested many times before for both valid and frivolous reasons, but not all can be palmed off on this being a season of electoral uncertainty, rather the climate of the public’s distrust and skepticism being a reflection of the current perception of safety in Trinidad and Tobago.
Gang warfare is nothing new to our Nation, a high-crime rate is nothing new, distrust of Police and Military is nothing new. However it has reached a stage where citizens feel less safe than ever, and the only “trust” in safety is the presence of  heavily armed Police or Military personnel, who they equally distrust due to a non-professional image built on widespread abuse. Many officers are unaware of how the public really view them, having forgotten how to see the world through civilian eyes, and fear is often mistaken for respect. Officers and soldiers alike seem to have lost touch with the realm of thinking outside of the protective services. This does not necessarily mean  they are bad individuals , and of course this does not apply to everyone, there are many dedicated and well working personnel who we are all very proud of. The entire direction and management however of our boys and girls in blue and green are currently at best misguided, and at worst a debacle of public sector administration/service. For further proof pointing towards this, one merely needs to look at the increased crime, yet the falling reports of crime.

Gangs have set up strongholds, and their operations largely unchecked. Credit is due when guns are seized, but in relation to what is retained by undesirable elements, we end up fighting a bush fire with a water gun. The ‘lock down’ of ‘hot spots’ also present little opportunity to put out this raging inferno, but rather only present a very temporary relief. When you “lock down” areas with Police and Military,it doesn’t solve the crime problem, it just temporarily alleviates the symptoms, while giving gangs the opportunity to stockpile men, weapons and ammunition. This measure needs to be used alongside well orchestrated policing raids based on proper intelligence gathering and detective work, thus stagnating their cash flow and other more solid assets. Until we lay out a holistic crime fighting plan the situation will continue to flare out of control and grow in the medium and long run.

Finally, it would be remiss of me and unfair to all that I have done as well as my colleagues, not to express the waste of untapped and sidelined human assets that reside in pockets of our country. We have certain highly trained individuals of Trinidad and Tobago nationality that are willing to work with and be a part of the crime fighting apparatus itself. Overly administrative bureaucracy, political bias, and generally a lack of sight and foresight, has cause many skilled and educated operatives to seek work outside of our borders, as well as within our borders but with a developed apathy due to forced isolation. We have well working and efficient assets that are yet to be retained, or are in some cases retained but misdirected. Limbo is definitely the 2nd to last place that you want these individuals.

 In conclusion, this again was not meant in any disrespectful manner, and has no political or surreptitious intent. Our country is in peril, and the seemingly irrational concerns shown by the public’s quick adherence to talk of cataclysm, I hope I have made rational in this letter. I pray that this Nation and it’s people are kept safe from further harm, and that our National Security personnel from top to bottom are protected always by the grace of God.

With Concern and Sincerity,
Paul-Daniel Nahous
Security/Law Enforcement Consultant
Combat Specialist


“May Every Creed and Race Find an Equal Place, and May God Bless Our Nation.”

May the Farce be with You

Posted: July 14, 2015 in Uncategorized

farceA Farce is defined in theatre as ‘A comedy that aims at entertaining the audience through situations that are highly exaggerated, extravagant, and thus improbable.’ A good example of this would be the notion of the new Political Movement known as the Third Force. Like many political movements filled with political wanna-bes and never-beens, it is unclear whether they are going left or right, but it is certain that everything being said pushes them in a downward direction. However let’s exam them based on what they present to us.

31The line up of candidates, if it were not for the banner int he background, would fool anyone into thinking they were in a Congress of the People rally. For those unaware, the COP use to be a party long long ago, in a political spectrum far far away. Most of the executive of the party up until recently were COP members, who for the last administration over the course of 5 years have profited heavily from the current Government. Now that the election bell has run, and the gravy train has been directed into more narrow rails, all of us sudden there is a conscious grown among a select group?

'You must close your eyes during grace.'The Third Force however has a very strong basic stance they keep repeating as the core policy of their movement: Transparency in “Campaign Financing,” and “Procurement Legislation.” So naturally, like an overly homophobic man who secretly questions his sexuality, they become shocked and confused when accused of being a little too over zealous in their beliefs. Asked on air about their financiers, the Party Leader becomes irate, claiming that they will not reveal where their financing is coming from, stating it puts them at an unfair disadvantage. Take that how you will. At least they can be taken serious in calling for procurement legislation to be strengthened… If an executive member wasn’t currently the Chairman of the state agency which awards Road Works contracts, which have spent billions and been accused of unfair awarding of contracts by the Jr. Minister…not to mention a large balance of members that were receiving Millions for contracts awarded in far less than professional settings. Hypocrisy that would make Jack Warner jealous…

33To add to the stage play, enters those in the Movement who claim to be “Independent.” Candidates running under a new political party are calling themselves “independent,” yet they are part of a party. They are calling their party “independent,” which contradicts having a party in the first place. And now they are starting up a movement to bring “independent” parties together to form a coalition… I hope their Education policy doesn’t utilize the same dictionary that they learnt from. Furthermore, the more they attempt to claim to be different, they engage in the same hypocritical claims, mudslinging, and inconveniencing of communities while rallying that have people disenfranchised with the current 2 party system.

The Third Force consists of the Alliance of Independents, the NAR (yep, the 1990 NAR), a gaggle of disgruntle ex-COP, and whoever certain candidates could pay to wear a jersey. The ground that they are trying to capitalize on is one that the COP wasted 5 years ago by not only joining the UNC, but by staying with them through the rampant corruption and abuse of office, all for self gain. There will certainly be room in the future for a real “Third Party,” but now is not the time, and their way is not the way. We reach the conclusion of finding much of the same that has been presented to us since the fateful days of the NAR until the recycled mess we have now. Until then we have a straight up PNM vs UNC battle, with a Farce entertaining us on the side.

Until then, just sit back with some popcorn and enjoy the show, May the Farce be with You.

Obeah Politics

Posted: May 15, 2015 in Uncategorized


In the wake of a Doctor’s strike over stalled wage negotiations, the Minister of Health saw it fit to comment on the preceding protest where Doctors in the public sector wore Black clothing to work in order to raise awareness of the situation. The Minister proclaimed that “Black is the colour of Evil” and therefore the Doctors were brining evil into the hospitals. Now anyone who has spent any extensive, or even some short visits, in the public hospitals will tell you that there is no shortage of institutionalized “evil”. I mean coming in with a cut could result in a deadly infection from lack of sanitation in certain areas, a lack of test tubes and syringes could well eat away at valuable time for treatment, and of course having the correct drill for a surgery is not as important as who gets the contract to bring in little needed supplies at random. But yes, Fuad, ‘dem doctors n’ dem bringing in evil’ for being overworked, underpaid, and frustrated by the facility itself. This however falls in line with the push to legalize marijuana as clearly the Minister has been testing samples vigorously before making his statements.

(warning: satire approaching):

In the wake of what is now considered ‘Obeah Politics,’ The Honourable Prime Minister and her colleagues have decided to support the Health Minister and further has been so moved by his statement that she is proud to announce the following changes across the board of the Ministries of Trinidad and Tobago:

Ministry of Community Development: In lieu of proper social and infrastructure development plans, all houses will be painted white. However there will be a colour coding as to keep the gang dynamics in place. For example area controlled by the “Rasta City” gang will be an egg-shell white, and the gangs attached to the Carapo Mosque and lifesport will be in a lovely off-white.

Ministry of Education: Shoes in boys schools will no longer be allowed in black as the Minister believes that that is “Walking in Evil’s footsteps.” Black bagpacks and books will also be burnt during religious education classes.

Ministry of Energy and Energy Affairs: All oil pumped will now be transferred to private interests of the Minister and his business contacts. He has given us the assurance that this is not to deprive us of the oil revenue, but rather to protect us from the evil of oil greed.

Ministry of Finance: There will be no spending from the National Treasury on “Black Friday (Friday 13th).” The Minister reminds the public that every other Friday for the year is fair game.

Ministry of Food Production: The Minister of Food Production will be ordering a mass painting (in the same manner as crop dusting), of all soil that seems too dark. When asked about the chemicals that people would then be ingesting, the Minister says he is not worried at all about that, but remarked that he and our beloved PM will continue to eat only Imported vegetables and fruit so the public need not worry about their safety.

Ministry of Foreign Affairs: There will now be a travel advisory to any country that has the colour black on their flag. Including our own, so the Ministry advises our citizens to be cautious of evil when travelling between our islands.

Ministry of Gender, Youth and Child Development: The Government will be sending a pre-action protocol letter to youtube to remove the video of Gypsy’s hit “Little Black Boy.” UNC MP Winston “Gypsy” Peters has been contacted and says he has agreed not to file legal action as the AG’s office will be paying him the fees they would have given to their lawyers for fighting the case.

Ministry of Housing and Urban Development: All Black houses will  be repainted by CEPEP while painting the stones and trees. This is expected to reduce HDC planning gang activity and reduce the cost of pricing across the board according to Minister Moneylal.

Ministry of Justice: Prisons will now be painted in a bright and uplifting colour, with added clouds and flowers with “smiley-faces,” which is expected to reduce the returned incarceration rate to zero.

Ministry of Labour and Small and Micro-Enterprises: The Minister in in meetings with the PM over his stance as it appears he has misunderstood the issue. Hearing only part of the story, and that Doctors were arguing over what to buy and what counted, Minister Mcleod showed up promptly on the scene with NJACK leader Makandel Daaga. He told the media he understood that persons were willing to buy out as many black things as they could so here they were.

Ministry of Legal Affairs: Black ink on a legal papers will now be replaced with white ink. When concerns arose that white ink on white paper shows nothing, the Minister, PM, and former AG all said it was just a continuation of their de facto legal policy. The Minister further commented that this will give them the latitude to now legally make things up as they go along.

Ministry of Local Government: Regional Corps workers will not be allowed to wear black to work. This they expect to solve all regional corps. and URP inefficiencies overnight.

Ministry of National Diversity and Social Integration: The Minister affirmed himself on the statement he made on the occasion of the forming of this Ministry in 2012 stating: “While I do not know what this ministry is for, I will do my job.” The Prime Minister nodded in approval once again.

Ministry of National Security: All tactical operations in which Special Branch Police conduct raids will no longer be conducted in black uniforms and with black masks. The Ministry will now be supplying them with pristine white field uniforms, which are expected to be kept clean while conducting operations, and in lieu of the former evil black ski-style masks, they will be provided each with a service issued paper crown from Burger King.

Ministry of Planning and Sustainable Development: The Minister believes that if we can keep as little black clothes as possible in the workplace that goodness will overpower the system and more jobs will be created. This is their general sustainable development plan which they hope will pan out in the long run.


Ministry of Public Administration: The Minister has released the statement that to avoid any further evil in public administration she would be providing employees with white jersey’s. Admitting she did not believe the “evil” in wearing black statement, she was taking advantage of the situation in pretending that employees wearing white were party supporters. She added “It’s almost like the COP still has supporters.”

Ministry of Public Utilities: T&TEC admits ignorance , claiming that they were clueless as to how dangerous all of the Black Outs really are. When asked to comment on fixing the frequent outages the line Minister remarked “Well we are in an evil country so…”

Ministry of Science and Technology: The Ministry is currently going through a massive restocking of equipment as the Minister has ordered all Black PCs, and science research equipment to be thrown out. The Ministry will be shut down operationally while contracts for new computers are approved however the Minister urges the public to remain calm as “nothing much was going on there anyway.”

Ministry of Sport: No local sports team will be allowed to wear black. This is expected to not only reduce steroid use but also to allow for much of the $400M stolen in Lifesport to return to the treasury as the “evil” will no longer block the good souls who have our tax dollars from bringing it back.

Ministry of Tertiary Education and Skills Training: All Blacksmith training will be halted and blackboards will be wiped from the face of the country, which the Minister assures will return a sense of professionalism and integrity to all professions in TnT.

Ministry of Tobago: The Minister of Tobago was surprised by the situation overall, stating “it have a hospital in Tobago?”
Ministry of Trade and Communications: The Minister has issued a tariff of 1000% on all imports of black items. He assures us this modest increase will provide just enough money to accept the evil entering through the imports.

Ministry of Transport: The Minister of transport has claimed that the dozens of road fatalities per quarter is directly linked to the blackness of the pitch and will be partnering with the Ministry of Works and infrastructure to address this. Cadiz also proclaimed this is because he really doesnt like to think on his own.

Minister of Works and Infrastructure: “Dr.” Ramberchan agrees to partner with Cadiz, saying that he is not sure how this will go about this, but be assured that SIS has the contract secured already.

Ministry of the Arts and Multiculturalism: Black costumes will now be banned for carnival band sections as he is now convinced the violence and vice brought about by the festivities is solely due to this. Minister Douglas also sees this as a win-win-win as this will remove evil from carnival, allow him more time to find the $40M misplaced in the budget, and the colour of COP is white…

Ministry of the Attorney General: The new AG will be following the Legal affairs policy of white ink on white paper. When asked about the same problems it may present to legal affairs applied to office of the AG, he replied “well it’s not like I run things here anyway.”

Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources: WASA will now cease to provide blackened water, and revert to their old policy of no Water.

Ministry of the People and Social Development: Along with the community development and HDC painting plans, the Minister here will also be on board, handing “white-out” liquid paper for community participants to paint their fingernails with as a form of empowerment.

Office of the Prime Minister: Our Beloved PM who made the statement years ago after visiting her specific point of family origin in India soon after becoming PM, that she was destined for greatness due to the caste she comes from, has stated now that she wants the same for all. She will be giving out free naturally fair cream on every walkabout, motorcade and rally from now on, so all can be as pure as her.

All of the jokes and ole’ talk aside, we are in a state where the politics has not only seeped into everything we say and do, but degraded to utter idiocy in lieu of explanation. Without proper dialogue, care, or resolve, we might as well administer medication to a dead man as we are left with nothing more than “Obeah Politics.”